So you think you are not pretty? — Navigating your insecurities
Navigating your insecurities
I have a nose, its flat.
It’s the flat nose my father gave me.
As a prominent forehead and a button nose is to Ethiopians , so is a flat nose to most average Nigerians. So it was only fair that I was born with it.
This was the nose my father passed down to me, the one which was passed down to him by his mother who only God knows which of her parent graciously passed down the DNA that regenerated this gene.
This flat nose has been in my family for generations, in different forms and sizes. Varying only to fit the facial structure of the face that bares it.
On my face, planted unmistakably is a testament that I am my father’s daughter ,and for a long time I would rather it had been my mother’s cute button nose.
Its either you have a cute button nose, or yours is a pointed nose that raises its tip to sing hallelujah.
Nobody want’s a flat nose. Nobody want’s a flat nose! Or so I thought.
Growing up , I always wanted a pointed nose . Or the cute button ones that looks like God was rationing the clay when he was creating them .
I remember googling how to make your nose pointed on the small screen of my first Tecno android phone.
I would pinch my nose as instructed by the site. It said to do that for about 5 minutes everyday, and at first I did .But I guess I hated being out of breath more than I didn’t like my flat nose, so that didn’t work.
The second thing I did ,was to hid behind my glasses(as a trauma response, I rarely wear my glasses till date). They had a way giving the nose an illusion of being straight . So apart from the fact that I needed my glasses to see, they became my shield . I would wear them everywhere .
And as the careless teenager I was ,they got misplaced often. I can still remember the fear that bubbled through my body as I ran my hand across my small student bed in search of the glasses. Going out without them was my worst nightmare.
For a longtime, I thought I was alone with the insecurity of having a flat nose. That the longing I felt for a cute button nose, was as a result my devilish attitude for not believing that God made me in his own image, therefore I’m beautiful. However , the advent of social media proved otherwise.
Going down the rabbit hole of the Rhinoplasty side of TikTok when one of my favorite influencer got a nose job ,what I saw there had me running as fast as my legs could carry me.
I discovered that not only was I not alone in the displeasure with my nose shape, others go as far a getting a nose job which has a healing period of almost a year, with the likelihood of reconstructions.
I’m of the opinion that every individual has a right to do what they want, and there is no judgement from me. However , I totally hate surgeries, and the too many side effect is not a risk I’m willing to take. So… I chose the self love route. And here is how I’m navigating it.
- MIRROR THERAPY
The first time I came across the concept of mirror therapy, was in 2019 when I first started working on my self confidence.
I was an avid consumer of information from a site called Wiki How , and I had typed in ‘How to become a more confident person’. I had just started watching Beverly Naya at that time, and I loved and wanted the confidence that she had. The Holy spirit had also started working with me on my self discovery journey.
The mirror therapy is basically staring at your reflection in the mirror. Taking out time to study each and every feature that you have. From your eyes, to your nose ,to your lips. Soaking them in as you would stare at the drawing of a detailed fish in a Biology textbook you are trying to copy.
Make sure you stare enough that the memory of yourself is imbibed into your consciousness like the face of the celebrity crush you secretly stalk , then choose to love those features.
Sounds overwhelming right ?
Let me break it down.
Look at the problematic feature you have(which in my case was my Nose), stare at it , and choose to love it . Look at it , and find beauty . Say it out loud to the mirror, “you are my definition of beauty”. You don’t have to believe it , just do it.
At first it would feel weird, and you may cringe so hard that you might almost break the mirror, but do it the next day, then the day after the next, and the day after the next.
Never shy away from looking at your profile in front of the mirror. In fact each time you see a mirror , walk up to it, and stare at your reflection. Savour it .
In that moment, cancel out all the idea of beauty you have seen on social media, focus on what is before you and call it beautiful.
Say it out loud and so deep in your soul, that you feel it deep inside of you. With the same intensity you have chosen to hate that feature, choose it and name it beautiful.
The mirror therapy changed my life. I went from someone who couldn’t stand the sight of herself , to someone who couldn’t stop looking at herself in the mirror because she couldn’t get over how much of a beauty she is.
It didn’t happen in one day, in fact it took almost a year to get significant result. But one thing I can promise you, is that within the first month you try it , you would never see yourself the same way.
You would become obsessed, and the subject of your obsession would be yourself.
The mirror therapy is about acceptance -you accepting yourself.
- GET RID OF THOSE FILTERS, THEY ARE RUINING YOUR CONFIDENCE.
One of the best things I have ever done for myself , was to intentionally divorce using filters of any sort.
I had been so used to seeing my face with a filter, that the face I had no longer felt like my own. It felt broader ,puffier, my nose felt bigger and wider.
It felt like a camera without a filter was the bane of my existence. That the me with the filter was who I was supposed to be, and I was unfortunately stuck with who I am.
Using filters, makes you believe you are who you are not. It robs you of your identity , and replaces you with an illusion. Nothing more that the version of you created by a programmer’s code inform of a filter.
A “Nothing”.
In the journey of embracing who you are, you have to let go of what you are not, and anything telling you to become that which you were never meant to be.
- FIND PEOPLE WHO LOOK LIKE YOU, AND ARE HAPPY ABOUT IT .
Beverly Naya, Lupita N’yongo, Chimamanda Adiche, Funke Felix-Adejumo. These women changed my life, and they didn’t even have to say a word. All they had to do ,was show up into the world, just the way they were. Beautiful women who embraced themselves and were bold enough to just Exist.Especially in a world where being black with Afrocentric features was not what was seen on the television at that time.
I intentionally lookout for influencers that looks like me ,and are comfortable in their skin.
People who love themselves, and are constantly on the lookout on how to improve their life without necessarily changing or morphing into a version of themselves that is untrue .
It is important to be careful when selecting those you follow, as they should be people that really resonate with your being .
Alena of MAZELEE family is one of the people that I have grown to enjoy as the years goes by.
I’ll curate a list of some of my favorites influencers .Remember you should curate and find your own people who resonate with you, and not just based on my recommendation.
- HAND OVER YOUR INSECURITY TO GOD
I know it sounds weird, what does God have to do with navigating your insecurities?
Here is what. When you have insecurities,there are so many wounds that have been incurred by those insecurities. The fear of acceptance,doubt, imposter syndrome. Most of those things don’t just go away because you are working on those insecurities . Most times than not, you need a power greater than you to help you navigate them .
Even with all the point I highlighted above, having God help me with my insecurity,was one of my game changers. Because sometimes, you just don’t have the strength to navigate it. There are days your self acceptance may not work,but then talking to God never stops working .
God can be trusted with your insecurities. Hand them over to him .
I’m not at the top game of my confidence journey, but I’m definitely miles away from where I used to be.
One of my genuine desire in life, is to be to other women what those women I listed above were to me. A representation of who I could be in the world. It’s the reason I share, it’s the reason I post , it’s the reason I rise no matter how hard I fall.
If you read this post till the end , hey boo! I love you, and I’m grateful to have you in my corner.
Don’t forget to like this post as many times as possible.
Do you know the limit claps you can give is 50 ? please be generous ,as it helps this post .
list of influencers i love.
The odditty .
Herrietta thompson.
Martha ehinome.
Chinyere Abang.
Cassie daves.
Bryntaponn
Ezinne zara .
If you are new here, here is a big hug from me to you.
Please stay around and join this beautiful community .
And remember, you can always come here as you are. Away from the hustle and bustle of life, here is home. You can rest here.
I remain Ss(Soul sister)
See you next time.
