Echoes of grief
One day they would ask you , “how would you like to die? And in what tradition should your body be laid into the ground?”
And like Alexander the great ,you would say
“ I want my doctors to carry my coffin. To let it known that no doctor can cure anybody . They are powerless, and cannot save a person from death.
To strew gold , silver and other precious stones on the way to the graveyard. To let the people know that though I spent all my life accumulating riches, not even a grain of gold will come with me when I leave this world.
Having my hands dangling out of the coffin, I want people to know that I came empty handed into this world and likewise will go empty handed from this world”.
Oh how chivalry you sounded, one not bound to the frivolities of this world.
Then came death, like a thief in the night. Your unanticipated friend. Except this time , it didn’t come for you. It came for the rose in your garden, the brightest among your stars. It came for your love.
Preying on the very thing you least expected. Engulfing the presence of life. Devouring the being of its very existence. Exchanging life for nothing . Silence, coldness.
In a blink of an eye, that which was, no longer is. But that is a joke, or so you thought. This is the universe playing a prank on you. Like all great men were tested , this is your Olympics.
I mean, how can it be real? That the person who had been a constant , is suddenly out of the equation? To be seen no more, lost to the stillness of time .Fading into nothing but a collage of moving pictures in your mind?
No! the heavens can’t be that terrible . And if this is a test, let the news of your failure be plastered boldly on the walls of fame.
“I will burn the world down”. That was the first thing that came to your mind as you watch the nasty looking men lower down the body of the one you love. 6 ft under the ground.
“Oh! I will burn it all.” your mind further re-instate. The trees, the houses, the cars, even the damn waters!
How dare God! How dare the Universe! How dare the Devil! Take that which you love.
Roses and petals, Five acres of land,the heart of the queen of England. All these you would give in exchange for one more moment to behold the beauty that you have lost .
There is a priest in Nnewi ,you had seen him on the News. It was said that he raised a dead woman after 5 days of being placed into the ground.
It's been just 2 months, five days and 6 hours that your love seized to breath.Surely one who could wake the dead of five days could do so for more. TIME IS JUST AN ILLUSION, EVEN YOUR GRIEF CAN TESTIFY.
Two thousand three hundred and thirty eight was the number of times you called the man before he finally blocked you. You didn't mean to count, but your phone had such great memory.
Sky diving is such a fun sport. This is the third time you would have had yourself thrown from an high altitude in the space of two months. Partially because the adrenaline casts a ray of sunshine on the dark hovering cloud that has made you it's home, and secretly because you hope that by some miracle, death would finally deem you a worthy adversary.
Time is an healer. it's a phrase you've heard over and over again. One which the magnitude of your pain has proven to be false.
Time doesn't heal. Like a cast placed over a fracture,it just makes the pain easier to deal with. Waiting for one blow,one memory,one subtle remembrance of a life you could have had, a love that could have been cultivated. Then it all comes crashing down, the healing you thought you had done, the memories that once held less pain . All bleeding through into the love you now have. They are the echos of your grief. Your Pandora’s box that has the keys to its own lock .
The pain that comes from losing a loved one never truly goes away, it just becomes a poison that your body get used to. A poison still,but one you can live with.Slowly losing its potency as the years goes by.
