We are all sexual beings. And to deny it, is to deny a very core part of creation.
Everyone seems to be talking about sex. From the media pushing narrative of sex equaling to love, to the church pushing the narrative that sex is bad and only tolerable within the confines of marriage.
In this post, we would be talking about sex. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
Should we as Christian sisters run away from sex? Is sex really a negative thing? How do you go from not having sex before marriage to enjoying sex in marriage? How do you handle sexual urge as a Christian woman.
All this and more would I cover in this post. Being as vulnerable as possible. Sister to sister, a Christian woman to another. A sexual being to another sexual being.
Growing up as Christians, nobody really talks about sex. The most you hear if your parent are quite openminded, is that you shouldn’t follow a boy to a corner, neither should you let him touch you or else you get pregnant.
Personally, I remembered my first ideation of sex was from movies. The kissing scenes that sometimes evolve into something more . I remember my mum and uncle covering my eyes when such scenes came up. God bless their heart. But still no one sat me down to talk about what was going on in those movies.
As Christian women, we have been conditioned to perceive sex as this bad thing that want us to sin then lead us into eternal damnation.
To want sex, is to be carnal. To be “carnal” is to be a terrible and sinful Christian on their way to hell.
So, it becomes one of two things, the first being that we do what we know how to do best as human. We suppress those feelings. our brain making a mental block to eliminate anything that has to deal the subject of sex.
We unconsciously disassociate from the idea of sex, and our bodies sees it as a strange never near phenomenon that should end just as a thought.
The second that happens is that those who never get to find a way to suppress those feelings, forever live with the guilt of not being holy enough.
If there is one thing that I would like emphasize, it’s that sex is a Gift from God.
Yes!
God wants you to have sex, he literally created it and wants you to enjoy it.
Just like he gave the gift of sight, the gift of hearing your favorite music, God also gave you those hormones that makes you want to sleep with a son of Adam. Naked and all.
When the bible said ‘the two of them would be naked and they would not be ashamed’, that was what he was talking about.
You were designed to be a sexual being, and it is holy spirit approved.
If you think I’m lying, ask him.
As a Christian lady, sex is not meant for your husband alone. It is meant for the two of you.
You are supposed to want it as much as he does. That doesn’t make you a whore, neither would you lose your badge of spiritually in the process.
SEX IS NOT A CHORE YOU PERFORM IN MARRIAGE, IT IS GOD’S GIFT TO YOU.
The idea that as a Christian woman, you should keep yourself for your husband is a great philosophy yet very flawed.
You wanting to abstain from sex, should be deeper than the idea of giving a man a gift that is your virginity.
It should be based on a deep sense of your core values as an individual.
Knowing that Christ has called you to a life of purity. Understanding that as the maker of this precious gift, also in his hands is the manual on how to get the best out of it.
It is also knowing that being sexually pure is not a reward system that makes you qualified to get a good husband.
Being sexually pure doesn’t necessary mean you would get a good man. However, it increases your chances of attracting a man who is genuinely interested in who you are as a person. Not just what you can offer him sexually.
Your stance on sexual purity should be based on the understanding that to sleep with someone is to share a part of yourself with them “and two shall become one”. Knowing that in the course of sexually engaging with an individual, your body releases dopamine -which is an happiness hormone.
As a result of that, your mind attributes happiness to that person. Therefore, making it harder to let go when you see red flags.
You should see sexual purity as a form of discipline that keeps you from the exposure to sextually transmitted diseases that is a risk of sex outside the wall of a committed relationship.
Sexual purity is an act of self -love. Knowing that you are worthy enough to be in a relationship where you are seen, loved and safe to let down your guards, emotions - to be naked and unashamed.
Sexual purity is a gift you give yourself. Not because you think sex is a sin or an hamper to be handed to a man.
The incidence of vaginismus occurring among married Christian women is alarming.
Research has shown that a lot of Christian women do not enjoy sex in their marriage, or mostly find it tolerable just to please their husband.
This is mostly due to the accumulation of wrong knowledge in the hyper purity culture .
How should you navigate sex and your sexuality as a Christian lady ?
- Understand that sex is not bad, that it is in fact a good thing that was given to you by God: Just like the devil does with everything, he has stolen and feed us with the narrative that he is the inceptor of sex. And we as believers are allowing him do that. Thereby creating an hyper sexual culture – that is the world we live today.
If we as Christians don’t talk about sex within the confines of the will of God without making it all about abstinence, it become very difficult for believers to learn about sex and learn it in a Godly way. - Understand fully that you being human means that you are a sexual being, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that – there is culture that is prevalent in the body of Christ, where when people talk about their sexual struggle, it is automatically perceived that the person is not spiritual enough or it is the work of the devil.
While there can be element of truth in that, I think that is a big lie that we have made ourselves to believe.
When we ascribe sexual temptation to the devil, then there is a very high chance that you also ascribe the very act of sexual intercourse as evil.
The clownery of this is that we expect people who have perceived their sexuality in a negative light all their life, to automatically see it as good thing just because it is within the confines of marriage. It doesn’t work that way.
However, when you understand that you are a sexual being, and recognize that your sexuality is part of who you are you, you then have the necessary tools to navigate your sexuality God’s way. - Understand that sex is not the enemy, the confines of where it is done is the issue: the war is not against sex, but against having sex outside of a marriage. The media has painted a nice image of what sexual intercourse looks like. However, they never talk about the negative sides where you have to deal with different kinds of STI and STD. some curable, others not.
The emotional trauma that comes from having to sleep with multiple sexual partners and the hyper independency that comes as a result of it. - Understanding that just because you feel something doesn’t mean you should act on it- one of the negative effects of allowing the media to control the narrative sex is that people think they don’t have control over their reaction to sextual urges. Tearing your clothes and the clothes of your partner just because you are having a sexual feeling has become so normalized. What they fail to show you, is how many retake of that scene has to be done and several cuts that were put to make the one clip you watched. On the media, most time nothing is like what they seem to appear. It is a show business, they are there to make money.
Another extreme ,is that because the church had made sex sound so devilish and Antichrist . People lack sexual discipline, and mostly ascribe their sexual sin to the devil . Rather than taking responsibility of their actions and allowing the holy spirit to work with them in their sexual journey, they wallow in it.
Just because you feel those emotions, doesn’t mean you should act on it. You can feel like banging your head on the wall multiple times because you are angry. You choose not to do that because you know it would harm you and cause you pain.
That should also be your reaction to sexual feelings outside of marriage. Choose to do nothing about it because you know you would end up being hurt.
You should be the master of your body and not otherwise.
You have your whole life ahead of you to have sex and enjoy it. It’s just a matter of time. - let the holy spirit help you with your sexual struggles-everything is better with the Holy spirit involved. Talk to him about your feelings. Pray to God to give you strength navigate your feeling, being master of them and otherwise.
You can live a sexually pure life outside of marriage without seeing sex as the enemy , but a part of you that you should embrace at the right time.
I hope this message blesses your soul, and heal your heart in ways you can’t explain.
This post was birthed from the prevalent of wrong knowledge of sex among Christian sisters, which later lead to sexual frustration in the marriages .
Please share to as many people that you think might benefit from this post.
Thank you.
Ss(Soul sister).
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