Do you even love me? Or am I just a means to pass time?
I saw you staring at becky last night, does that mean you love her too?
Sometimes I wonder if I’m suffocating you with my presence, and one day you would get tired of my quirkiness that you claim to so adore.
I mean mark did.
I don’t mean to compare, but it all seems to have the same pattern .
It starts with you loving my bubbly personality and how I’m not afraid to speak what’s on my mind
You would boost about me to all your friends ,telling them about how I’m the ying to your yang , your very own muse .
I would be so happy ,because at last someone finally see me and accepts me just as I am .
I no longer have to reduce my voice because of the fear of being called “loud” .
I was no longer the “angry black woman" who argue about every thing . You say that I’m rather passionate about life and it’s a pity I chose to be an accountant rather that channel my vibrant energy into politics .
You would smile when I say I don’t think I have what it takes to be a politician . Oh that beautiful smile..
You know sometimes I get so lost in the beauty that you are ,that I want to take you to the nearest mall and spend all my money on you.
I would wonder at how lucky I am to be with you . I mean , I know I’m a nice catch but sometimes you feel too good to be true. And it feels like I would wake up one day ,and all of this would be a dream.
So sometimes, I intentionally snooze my alarm .Because what if this is the day I wake up from the paradise I built in my dream?
It would start with calls, you would start to miss them. At first two rings before you pick ,then 6 missed ones to be replied later in the day with “missed your call, work is hectic. Call you as soon as I can”.
MARK ! we talked for 3 hours at work every day when your company was preparing for the major brand scaling! But I guess they’ve changed your supervisor ,and I sure don’t want you to get fired .
We would need the finances should we get “Married”.
I wouldn’t hear from you for two day! We would have had a fight ,but nothing major.
I would try reaching you, but it wouldn’t go through. I would get scared, and panic call all our friends . John would say that he saw you at the mall yesterday and you looked fine . Patricia your co worker would tell me you are at your desk and volunteer to give you the call .
You would refuse to take the phone,and tell her to tell me that you would call me when you are done with work.
I would be so furious, but then you are okay and there has to be an explanation.
Right?
You would later call at night. I would have fallen asleep in anticipation, but I would wake up at the first ring .
Sigh with relief at the sound of your voice on the other side of the phone.
And then you would crash the castle I have so beautifully built in the sky.
Right VICTOR?
You would tell me about how I’m too much for you, how your mother thinks that I’m controlling and your friend group seems to agree.
You would talk about how I am too clingy, how I constantly choke you with my presence and always raising my voice about everything .
Wait! let me put it the way you said it, “like an angry black woman”.
Did I get that right STEVEN? Or am I forgetting something thing?
I would be shocked, but then not too much because I am to blame.
I mean, why would I build a world where I can’t imagine you not existing ?
I would cry myself to sleep, and vow not to fall in love again.
Isn’t that how it would all play out RICK?
Or am I over thinking it?
Are you different?
See I’m broken, but I wasn’t always like this. I’m a monster that was made.
A monster still.
